6 Years of a Journey

It's been a while since I last wrote in here...

I guess this past month has been a real blessing. I would have never guessed it would be like this... I can truly say that maybe for the first time in my life... I know that I am loved by my family, friends, and especially God. ESPECIALLY GOD!

I recently looked through all my facebook pictures because it tells a good story of how God never let me go even though I wanted to run away. It tells the story where I thought I was healed from the past but never really was until recently. It tells a story where God used me... But I didn't just look at my own pictures....I looked at the pictures of the person who hurt me the most... the person who I thought was the one for me... And I compared her journey and my journey...

I guess after getting hurt by her, I went through a lot of hardships... I felt betrayed, I was confused, and ultimately I felt lost. And honestly for about 3 years I could probably say I wasn't really myself because I didn't know I was gone. But recently this past year I think I found myself.

So I compared my pictures and her pictures and just looked at what I went through, and what she went through in those 6 years. I remember how I felt in all those pictures before my downfall.. I remember being so happy because I really liked her. I remember the joy of just being around her. And then I looked at the pictures at and during my downfall.. All I remember was desperation, and loneliness. And as I went through each picture.. I clearly remember me wondering if I was even her friend, hoping that she would just talk to me, hoping that one day things would go back to the way it use to be.

I'm glad they didn't.....

I am so glad it never happened.......

And for 3 or 4 years I questioned God... I didn't like what He did. I felt like I got cheated for no reason. But now I understand why He said "no" to her. I understand why I had to go through all that pain and suffering. It was for His glory!!! It was for Him to show me that He has a better plan for me that what I wanted!! It was for me to meet and love all the people I know right now!! After looking at it all, I can say that God wanted to me to wait because there is someone better for me! Someone that will love me more than this other girl ever could!!! And to ultimately never forget that I should never put anyone or anything above Him and His Son!!

And I'm not writing this because to bash on her or anything... I've forgiven her of her past actions. But I write this because this past month alone I was blessed and have been blessed.. and I can say that through this 6 year journey of confusion, anger, and bitterness... I feel more blessed than her right now. I feel more loved than her right now. And I'm so glad God said no because if He had given her to me... I probably would've never gone to Emmanuel, I would've never been in Pneuma, I wouldn't have known my fake family (3 daughters, mother of my children/wife, and gay adopted son). So through it all... God you deserve all the credit, honor, praise and glory. Thank you for putting me through this... I am truly blessed.

Stretched

oh man... what a crazy week...

I've stupidly played starcraft 2 all week and ive been exhausted all day and been miserable...

and today I only got 3 hours of sleep because I played games, and I've been awake for 17 hours straight and I've had to babysit monsters that demand piggyback rides all the time, and they smell, and the list goes on...

but still in the midst of my lacking and irrelevant life... God still blesses me. I am just humbled by how much he does for me.. and yet all the time I forget what he has done and live my life the way and I want. But always He just keeps calling me back to Him, and just always wanting the best for me... How could I seriously forget what God has done for me...

I am so unworthy but He loves me sooo much, and uses a piece of trash like me to serve and to be blessed with those around me. I really love God.

Strong Man's House

Hmmm I use to think that not struggling was much better than struggling...

I think I'm still right, but I guess if I'm struggling then Satan is trying to stumble me.

But still I don't understand why I'm having such a hard time with this struggle...


25If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. 26 And if Satan opposes himself and is divided, he cannot stand; his end has come. 27 In fact, no one can enter a strong man house and carry off his possessions unless he first ties up the strong man. Then he can rob his house. -mark 3:25-27

Satan... get out of my house... You cannot win here.

unashamed

hmm been a long time since I wrote in here. It seems weird to talk about my thoughts but I guess I'll give it a try.

So it's only been a day since I've gotten back from LA, and if I had to sum up the trip, I would say it was pleasant. Besides the annoying traffic, stupid parking, and atmosphere... I would say LA is a decent place. It was really good hanging out with good friends in a different area. But honestly whether it be in Norcal, Socal, or anywhere else I think I would always have a good time with this certain group of friends. So overall I don't really miss LA too much because my wonderful bed is here, but I do miss being around my friends.

Even though this was a vacation for me, God taught me a few things from this trip.

The first being... worship is so essential to my life. For 5 days I played with my friends, but I never really got a chance to worship God, and to dwell in His presence. And because of that I felt like someone close to me died. Next time if I'm ever in LA... I think I'll stay for Sunday service...

The second being... only God can fulfill us. After being in the presence of my awesome friends, it was kinda lonely yesterday and today. But again after worshiping God, the emptiness went away.

The third and lastly being... to be faithful about my prayers. The last lesson is super random, but God somehow reminded me to be faithful about my prayers. Psalm 145:17-19

And with that I conclude my post about my vacation to LA, and the lesson that God has taught me this past week.

part 1... the end

Lord... my testimony is complete... thank you =)

Stuff

Adios mio...

4 more weeks and I'm officially no longer a student... I am happy and sad. Happy because I don't have write anymore boring essays, or study for midterms. Sad because now I will have to get up super early for work, and since I am no longer a student, I cannot eat like a student. So my days of eating out late and eating whatever I desire are coming to an end... but I suppose that means I'll lose a lot of weight... I guess that's a good thing...

hmm 4 more weeks... I seriously don't have that much work to do... If I just work on everything diligently I will be basically waltzing into graduation without a sweat... but knowing myself and how attached I am to procrastinating... I will probably put everything off... HA! but then again... I have nothing better to do until graduation...

Life is very pleasant and peaceful... friends are good, church is good, and God is very very good...

Hmm...

This whole school thingy started 3.5 years ago... It has been a long 12 months... the constant pressure of the consequences if I didn't graduate this year... Didn't help that my parents were the ones who were telling me that I better graduate or pack my things and go join the army...

After taking a total of 39 units for one whole school year... all that awaits me is 8 more weeks... And of course a few papers and tests, but as of now it's just only 8 more weeks...

Just a few more weeks and my testimony will be complete. Finally... it's been a long journey =)