The Bro Code

The Bro Code... written by Barnabus Stinson back in 1752. It is the second most holiest written piece of document known to man. The first being the Holy Bible of course. Anyways I have composed for all of you a handful of articles and a picture of the bro code. I am actually going to get my copy in November. Now enough of me and let me give you the bro code.

Bro Code:

Article 1: Bro's before Ho's

Article 26: A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existance of a girl fight.

Article 34: Bros cannot make eye-contact during a Devil's Threesome.

Article 53: A Bro will whenever possible provide his Bro with protection.

Article 56: A Bro shall never reveal the score of a sporting event to another Bro until that Bro has thrice confirmed it's cool.

Article 57: A Bro may not speculate on the expected Bro/chick ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ration.

Article 58: If a Bro, for whatever reason, becomes aware of another Bro's girlfriend's birthday and/or anniversary date, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks his Bro already knows.

Article 59: One Bro makes a sole attack; A second Bro provdes a crutch; A third Bro rounds out the pack; But a fourth Bro is one too much.

Article 60: Should a Bro be near to closing wth a girl, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome, up to and including the seduction of said girl's wildly unattractive cousin/friend/mother.

Article 61: A Bro shall honor thy father and mother.

Article 62: In the eent that two Bros aquire the same target, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet roshambo shall determine the outcome.

Article 63: In a scenario in which two of more Bros are engaged in entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bron in ANY capacity, including but not limited to: the high-five, the fist bump, or congratulatory gluteal pat. Winking is also kind of a no-no.

Article 64: A Bro must provide his Bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the second Bro's favourite sports team in a playoff scenario.

Article 65: A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drink(s) among Bros with the proviso that no existing wager supersedes this purchase and exchange of spirits.

Article 66: If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a 'that sucks, man' and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary - desered or not - regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed.

Article 67: Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.

Article 68: If a Bro be on hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work, or temporary immigration to a foreign country.

Article 77: A Bro never cries

Article 87: A Bro shall at all times say 'Yes'.

Article 89: The mom of a Bro is always off limits, but the step mom of a bro is fair game if she initiates it and/or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing.

Ladies... This is all you will get. I will never ever post the full bro code because it is not for you. Also I hope that this will be in an article when I purchase my copy in November.

Article X: No woman should ever lay their eyes on this sacred document.


This is what it looks like. Awesome.

Next post: Mystery stalker girl in my class. Who is she? Why does she keep looking at me? And what should I do?

Peace out hombres!

Getting Psyched

In my last post I talked about what is awesome and what isn't. Now ladies and gentlemen let me introduce you to something called getting psyched. Just this past summer I fell upon an episode where my hero, Barney Stinson, burned a mix of psychedelic awesomeness. And in my fascination I wanted to get my hands on this awesome mix. It's been about two months since I have burned this mix, now I am ready to share with all of you the "Getting Psyched" song list.

1) I Wanna Rock -- Twisted Sister
2) You Give Love A Bad Name -- BJ (Bon Jovi)
3) Lick It Up -- KISS
4) Paradise City -- GNR (Guns & Roses)
5) Dancing With Myself -- Billy Idol
6) Rock You Like A Hurricane -- Scorpy (Scorpions)
7) Panama -- Van Halen
8) Talk Dirty To Me -- Poison
9) Thunderstruck -- AC/DC
10) Dr. Feelgood -- Crue (Motley Crue)
11) Round and Round -- Ratt

Now I will share my three top favorite songs from this mix.
1. Panama -- Van Halen
2. You Give Love a Bad Name -- BJ (Bon Jovi)
3. Round and Round -- Ratt

These three songs have helped me go through thick and thin in the past few dark months.

And if I may make a observation. Tom Brady and the New England Patriots are the runner ups for Superbowl XLII. Do you know why they lost? Some of you would say that the New York Giants D-Line was absolutely overwhelming. Some of you would say that Eli Manning's calm and cool collective persona is that reason why they were able to win under immense pressure. And some of you would say that David Tyree's "Catch II" saved the Giants butt's which then setted up a game winning touchdown that Plaxico Burress caught in the last minute of play. Those are all valid reasons why the New England Patriots lost, but I have the exact reason why the Patriots lost. It was because the New England Patriots did not listen to Barney's "Getting Psyched Mix." Whereas the New York Giants listened to it and were so psyched that all these things happened. So FYI to the next Superbowl Competitors. Listen to Barney Stinson's "Getting Psyched" mix... Or you'll...


Share the same fate as the New England Patriots.

Next post... The Bro Code

Peace Out Hombres!

Being Awesome

It has come to my attention that many of my friends are in (or in my words "stuck") a relationship. And it has come to my attention that I have been single for 22 years and 2 months. In other words I have been awesome for 22 years and 2 months. Many people would think its sweet and cute to see people in a relationship. But I object that statement. For example let me show you a picture and let you examine which is more awesome.

Exhibit A


Does this look awesome to you. (If you are in a relationship you are not allowed to answer) No it isn't awesome. This is like the opposite of being awesome. What if this was a Sunday... this guy is missing out on Football. Instead of watching awesome football he's busy being a couple. But enough of exhibit A. Now let me give you exhibit B

Exhibit B


Lazer Tag! C'mon this looks picture spells out awesomeness. I think I have proved my point. And let me end today's blog with a last picture.



"When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True Story" -Barney Stinson

Need I say more? Next post "getting psyched"

A Call to Wings

There comes a time in a man's life where he has to grow his pair of wings and fly off into the world. Sadly, Mike, my wingman has decided to flock his wings and soar off into this world. Therefore that leaves me all by myself... Single and still awesome... but still I mourn over the fact that I've lost a great wingman. But not to worry, not all is lost, it just means that the parkinator will have to find a new wingman.
Behind every great man is a great wingman: Michael Jordan had Scottie Pippen, and Han Solo had Chewbacca. But sadly you can't just snap your fingers and find a Chewbacca, so I have been forced to find a new wingman.

I am in the market for a new wingman.