6 Years of a Journey

It's been a while since I last wrote in here...

I guess this past month has been a real blessing. I would have never guessed it would be like this... I can truly say that maybe for the first time in my life... I know that I am loved by my family, friends, and especially God. ESPECIALLY GOD!

I recently looked through all my facebook pictures because it tells a good story of how God never let me go even though I wanted to run away. It tells the story where I thought I was healed from the past but never really was until recently. It tells a story where God used me... But I didn't just look at my own pictures....I looked at the pictures of the person who hurt me the most... the person who I thought was the one for me... And I compared her journey and my journey...

I guess after getting hurt by her, I went through a lot of hardships... I felt betrayed, I was confused, and ultimately I felt lost. And honestly for about 3 years I could probably say I wasn't really myself because I didn't know I was gone. But recently this past year I think I found myself.

So I compared my pictures and her pictures and just looked at what I went through, and what she went through in those 6 years. I remember how I felt in all those pictures before my downfall.. I remember being so happy because I really liked her. I remember the joy of just being around her. And then I looked at the pictures at and during my downfall.. All I remember was desperation, and loneliness. And as I went through each picture.. I clearly remember me wondering if I was even her friend, hoping that she would just talk to me, hoping that one day things would go back to the way it use to be.

I'm glad they didn't.....

I am so glad it never happened.......

And for 3 or 4 years I questioned God... I didn't like what He did. I felt like I got cheated for no reason. But now I understand why He said "no" to her. I understand why I had to go through all that pain and suffering. It was for His glory!!! It was for Him to show me that He has a better plan for me that what I wanted!! It was for me to meet and love all the people I know right now!! After looking at it all, I can say that God wanted to me to wait because there is someone better for me! Someone that will love me more than this other girl ever could!!! And to ultimately never forget that I should never put anyone or anything above Him and His Son!!

And I'm not writing this because to bash on her or anything... I've forgiven her of her past actions. But I write this because this past month alone I was blessed and have been blessed.. and I can say that through this 6 year journey of confusion, anger, and bitterness... I feel more blessed than her right now. I feel more loved than her right now. And I'm so glad God said no because if He had given her to me... I probably would've never gone to Emmanuel, I would've never been in Pneuma, I wouldn't have known my fake family (3 daughters, mother of my children/wife, and gay adopted son). So through it all... God you deserve all the credit, honor, praise and glory. Thank you for putting me through this... I am truly blessed.